I’ve been feeling so peculiar recently. A few days ago I woke up with my allergies racing; sneezing every 5 seconds, eyes red raw, skin feeling terribly terribly dry. But it’s a bit early for hey fever, and no amount of anti-histamines both drowsy and non-drowsy did anything to dampen the symptoms. The damn thing lasted all damn day! You wouldn’t believe how many boxes of tissues I got through. It was horrible, I just wanted to curl up in bed and die, cept I couldn’t ‘cos i kept being interrupted by more sneezing fits.

The next morning I was awoken early by a nagging feeling deep in my throat. The hey-fever type sensations had gone but had been replaced by a swollen throat. Not sore at all, just felt swollen, you know the sort, when you swallow its like there’s a tennis ball lodged down there. Again, this lasted most of the day, but was a heck of a lot preferable than the previous days offerings. Somehow, these strangities must have been related. So I’m wondering if it was some kind of allergic reaction to something I had eaten? I have no idea what though. I hate not knowing.

Another thing I’m suffering from is intermittent anxiety attacks. I’m thinking this might be the change of season, its a lot brighter around here and its been quite sudden, sunlight is pouring into my room almost all hours, it’s lovely actually, but my mood always taken a little while to adjust. I’m getting that “10 minutes to curtain rises Mark, it’s a packed audience today.” feeling. Laced with a bit of hyper. It’s pretty off-putting. Feeling a tad emotional as well. There really is no reason for it.

Eddie was sick this morning. He’s trying to sleep it off, he’s still got morning hair and its midday. Scruff.

The blog entry entitled Wild Horses is getting about 99% of the comment span for my site. It’s funny, I really don’t know why that is and I’ve kept the spam because it’s becoming a nice little collection.

I’ve been using PHPEclipse, a plugin for the Eclipse IDE. But I recently discovered that it has been conflicting with the Web Tools plugin, which serves to syntax highlight HTML and all that. Whilst seeking a solution I chanced upon Zend’s own PHP plugin for eclipse and it rocks! Much much better then PHPEclipse. I couldn’t recommend it enough for you PHP types. It’s a bit hidden away, a little treasure and it isn’t very documented. I think it must still be in the early stages. Get it anyway.

I came over all peculiar the other day and have yet to come back down to earth. I’ve been racking my brains trying to work out what may be causing it but I just cannot fathom it, more has happened since then than when I first fell into super stress mood. I used to put this down to PMS, but I haven’t had any major bitchy blues for at least 2 months. Which would either make me pregnant or not a woman at all (which I’m not, despite adoring anything pink), or maybe I could be Monica of Katy, TX who doesn’t get periods at all and who I haven’t spoken to in GOD DAMN NEAR FOREVER! So yeah, I’ve been feeling very weird, i’ve got a stiff neck which I woke up with and has lasted days, i’m dizzy in the head, there’s a fat fuck behind my eyes and i can’t sleep properly, i’ve been visted by the black dog and i keep getting major major worries about not having done things which i don’t even know about. Does any of this make sense? The only thing I can think of that happened around the time that all this started was Steve Jobs announcing some new stuff. Could it be the head sheering difficulty of deciding whether the new iLife is really worth shelling 50 quid for when all I use from it is iPhoto? (well apart from iTunes but that doesn’t count). Is that enough to get stressed from? It might be a bug, or a virus, bird flu? But you never know with me because I can make myself ill from being stressed. And being overly sleepy is certainly consistent with the traits of my particular style of anxiety.

There has been some incredible news of late. For instance i’m going to be an Uncle, which in itself is absolutely adorably wonderful and omg! And also, the other day my longest known friend, who I rarely speak of on here (I don’t speak of anyone so why is that a surprise?) but have known since junior school has asked me to be his best-man. You can’t decline an offer like that! And i’m absolutely terrified about it haha. Everyone i’ve told about it, including my parents have been “Yikes mark are you sure you can cope with that?” Well exactly, but it’s such an honour you cannot decline, and above all i’d love to do it, even if it does kill me. All I know is I am going to have to work majorlly hard on my therapy in order to be ready. There’s a long way to go. Anyway, this has nothing to do with the state I have been in this week because i only found out 2 days ago. So what the fuck can it be? Ugh. Hey, maybe i’ve had a miscarrage? Maybe it’s because my favoritist ever TV show “shameless” is still sucky like nothing has ever sucked before? I just dunno. Don’t blame Eddie, he’s just there because he’s cute.

Hey, does CTRL-A go to the beginning of the current paragraph? I keep doing it by accident because on windows it does select all, but it would be kinda cool if it does. By Jove.

That’ll teach me for watching mexican cinema. Last night I watched Santa Sangre, a film containing clowns, blood and general weirdness and this morning the first thing I did was race to the toilet for a bout of pukeys. Can’t be coincidence can it? At first I thought it was morning sickness and will soon be cursed with a load of mini-me’s running around, but once i’d woken a bit more I realised that I’m still a man so that was a relief. I’ve spent the whole day stretched on the sofa under my duvet with the fire burning and the central heating on max. It’s one of those virus’s that make you want to stay as still as possible because every-time you move just a limb you go dizzy.

Do you know what this means? It means i probably won’t make it to the grand opening of the Apple Store, how pissing typical is that? And do you know what else it means? It means that Mexico is the enemy of Apple, never ever mix them.

4 days left of my etco trial and if I haven’t worked out keywords before it expires they don’t get their money :-p ha
Wonder if anyones reading this yet, or if they ever will? Oh my sweet jesus what am i doing! This is insane; talking to myself for no godamn reason.
Pilock
It’s nineteen hours

So lets add a “Health” category boys and girls. It was councilor day today and once again I came away having forgotten a single word that had been muttered, at 35 quid a pop i’m really not sure that its proving to be a wise investment. ‘Give me 10 positives about yourself”. next time she asks that i’m going to scream, i am i am i swear i am. Bet I don’t.

It isn’t all bad, 2 weeks ago I started CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) classes run by the NHS, well they call them classes but really they are more like lectures and i’m pleasantly surprised at the quality. There are about 15 people taking the class and I already know that at least 4 of them are there for more or less the same problems as me. One person asked the tutor some q’s that i completely identified with. The first class was about panic attacks, the physical sensations associated with anxiety and how not to get too freaked out about them. I don’t personally have a huge problem with panic attacks but it was interesting nonetheless. The second class was an introduction to the behavior side of things and some treatments; in particular exposure therapy, which is rather like running over hot coals. I now need to make a nice list of situations which freak me out, grade them and work out an order to expose myself to slightly anxious situation, and then move up until i’m fearless. Growl! Maybe even phone americans, now that would be something. I’m really not sure where to start, how do you slightly get into conversation with someone. Maybe i’ll walk up to a stranger, say ‘hello’ and then run off behind some bushes.

Are flickr photo’s copyrighted btw? ‘Cos i’m going to start nabbing them as i see fit. One photo is happy, the other sad. See?

Oooh i just discovered something new, I already knew the mac had spelling support in all standard text controls/widgets. but i just by accident discovered that hitting escape half way through a word pops up a list of spelling suggestions to complete the word with!